in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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