he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
