the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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