The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
