Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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