We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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