I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
