I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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