I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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