Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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