I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
