I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
