First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
