what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
