Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
