The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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