3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
