Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
