omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
