haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
did i just pee glitter
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
