She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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