i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
