Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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