The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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