It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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