Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
