Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
