Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
