Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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