Im at strip club and am horny
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The air was thick with penises
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
