I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
