update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
