i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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