Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
