can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
