if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do herpes really smell.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drake has all the answers
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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