She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
