there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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