'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
