dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
