he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
