I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
