I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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