I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
