um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What a dumb baby whore.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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