That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
