i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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