had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
