i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
