Who wears a wallet chain?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
