I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
