I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
